Dear Diary........[~by Anjali~]

24.08.2011

Dear Diary,

oh! I missed you so much. Just a way too much. It's been three years since I opened myself to you. But the sudden engagement and then my marriage with Shyam created such circumstances that I never got time to talk to you. You and Chote had been a great source of comfort to me when we moved to Nani's place . Those cruel days spent by me, thinking about our parents was one of the worst things I have experienced in my life.I always wanted to share my feelings with you...but certain situations arose which prevented me from doing that. But I always had Shyam by my side who had always been a source of comfort to me.

Today I am in a real fix . I tried to share with Nani and Mami, but they always divert the discussion to some other topics. Mami just prattles a lot. Shyam  had gone to Lucknow which leaves only Chote. But I want to talk about him. I  know I will get a source of comfort writing to you.

Chote had always been by my side. He acted as my Guardian during times of our problems, as an elder brother during times of sadness and, yes, as an younger brother when I would order him to eat properly or sleep on time. I think that my love for him was not so strong like his , as I failed to change him to the 'Arnav' , who would come to me hoping around for a lullaby before going to sleep. A girl called Lavanya has just entered his life. She proclaims to be the future daughter in law of Raizada family. I know that she can't lead the life which we have been living since our childhood. 

But, I agreed to the decision of Chote as I thought that Lavanya was the love of her life. Perhaps she succeeds to bring a ray of sunlight in Chote's dark world.

I believe that  Chote was so worried about my happiness that he changed himself to a emotionless man that we all see today...

25.08.2011

Dear Diary,

I was awake the whole night. The thought of losing Chote was frightening. Time and again our childhood memories clouded on my mind.It was the last time I saw my Chote

*flashback*

‘Chote..it’s over, it’s over! I was crying bitterly. It was 27 july ……a day we suffered a great loss or maybe our biggest loss. We sat on the small staircase that lead into our house of dreams, where we were born, we celebrated the ups and downs of life, everything. And today it stood there like a haunted house, lacking something which once happened to be it’s specialty , it’s liveliness.

But to my extreme shock…Chote sat there lifelessly, his eyes fixed towards the empty pathway which led to the street. It was as if he was expecting someone. I gazed at him…his eyes, his eyes had lost the sparkle today….that naughtiness which used to be reflected by those mesmerizing pairs of eyes were fixed . I called ot to him…Chote….Chote…give me  some answer. I want to hear your voice, why aren’t you answering me? Chote….

*end of flashback*

I snapped out of my dream. I never got to see ‘him’ after that day. It was as if our parent’s soul took away my Chote with them…far away from where they did not came back, and probably will never come back.

After that day, Chote became extra possessive about me. Within a few days we moved to ‘Shantivan’, our beloved Nani’s house. It was then I got you. My sole companion after my little brother.

Three years back

Suddenly Nani fixed my engagement with the grandson of one of her friends. It hurt me to think that I will be going away from my family members….I knew what it meant to get separated from our dear ones. But Shyam was very different. He called me Rani Saheba which he used to remind me that he was always at my service. His work kept him busy for long intervals. So I had insisted upon staying back. He never went against my wish. He used to visit me once of twice in three of four months.

Present

These thoughts kept whirling in my head. Our parent’s demise, my marriage had altogether influenced Chote to a great extent. He kept himself occupied with work. But do you know what, that doesn’t mean that he forgot about my needs. He used to take me to the mandirs every Tuesday and Saturday. He never forgot to ask me if I had eaten after my fast. But a hint of strong sadness prevailed his mind. I being his elder sister never failed to understand that. He was known to my like I knew myself. He deserves the purest love by a person…stronger than mine, stronger than anybody….maybe Lavanya is the one, or maybe not.

26.08.2011

Dear Diary,

Mami said me that I am acting weird nowadays. Do you think so? After that dreadful loss, I always tried to remain happy so that my sadness doesn’t reflect my family members. But these days I am getting restless . It hearts me like a needle to see the once so happy and charming young boy has now became a cold hearted person. I had high expectations from Lavanya. But it doesn’t seem that Chote loves her. Neither does she. Yeh…anybody will say that why Anjali, why are you thinking like that! That poor girl tries to complete all the tasks assigned by nani …isn’t that enough for you too believe that she loves your brother. I know it is more than anything else to try and give  endless efforts for appeasing family members, but the thing which caught my eyes were Lavanya was always behind Chote’s status in the society. I don’t know why I agreed to Chote…maybe I should have prevented him from taking a wrong decision, but what I always wanted was to see that my Chote found his true love.

A few days of loneliness:

Chote will be going to attend a meeting tomorrow…….and will be coming back on Monday. Nani, mami and Akash are going to attend a relative’s wedding. They were shocked to hear that was unwilling to attend the wedding. I am always known for making a lively atmosphere in the house….but my state of mind is know to two, Chote and you. Maybe I need some time alone and think over the matter. I want him back!

Wait….guess someone is there at the door…Jaiprakash is calling

A girl came here….she said her name was Khusi. Such a sweet name. She was dressed in a bright coloured suit, with hair tied neatly in plaits with pompoms. She was indeed very pretty. She is the new worker at the AR industries. She came here to return a file. Maybe doesn’t know that Arnav has gone out of time…..

I had dinner a few minutes ago. I badly need someone to hear me. There are so many people here…yet there is nobody…. I need to think about how to return that smile on Chotey’s face. Mission starts tomorrow morning…

30.08.2011

Dear Diary,

Today a strange thing happened, and it had a connection with Chote. Let me tell about this in detail. Remember Khusi, the girl from Lucknow. In around 6 in the evening, she had come to give some important papers to Chote, since he had gone to some other branch office. The girl is really sweet. She is matured than her age. But, I was quite shocked to see, that just as Chote entered the mansion. Both were shocked to see each other. Then he broke the silence….shouting like mad telling her to get out. I couldn’t figure out the reason. That poor girl’s glistened up with tears. I tried to stop Chote, but he was out of reach. He had gone crazy with her sight. He has never been so furious.

I had decided then and there, to talk with Chote about this. Just as he returned to his room after dinner, I went to his room. He tried to change the topic many times, but I was stubborn. He finally confessed. I will tell you that afterwards. But I really had to figure out what Khusi was made of. After listening patiently to him, I asked him about Lavanya. He had no answer. He stared blankly at the lampshade. I left him alone to think quietly over the matter.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new hope. A new challenge. Will write to you later……….

Next Day                                                                                                                                                   1.09.2011

You can’t believe what happened today. I had went to Khusi’s place. That poor girl had to take the responsibility of her family at an young age. She told me she was in a need of money. Her warmth had touched me. She was indeed the right girl. But these two are adamant kids when it comes to emotions. You can take it for granted that they will surely not agree. In the previous entry, I had told you about my mission.  It remains the same, but there is some changes in the plan……………

6.09.2011

Dear Diary,                                                                                            

I had called Khusi today. I asked her to train Lavanya after she comes from office. She had to join because of the need of money. Today was her first day. She arrived after Chote came. I had no intention to train Lavanya, but I had to solve a few things. It seems like it's going to take a lot of time. But I am not going to back.

I felt like electric shock passed through his body seeing her. But he didn't react, neither did she.

Khusi was a cultured girl. She was telling the story of Lord Krishna's birth like a little kid memorized English alphabets. I felt a strong bonding with her.

Chote was asked by nani to bring a few things. I added my twist here. I told him to take Khusi. I thought he will argue with me telling Lavanya should go with him because she needs to know these things, but he quietly agreed.

God knows what they did once they were out. Today once again I have to pay a visit to Chote after dinner.

I have one thing in pending, Chote's confession,

Khusi has been working in the AR industries for about a month. Destiny has always played with them, I know Chote, he has turned into a heart less man after our parents passed away. He shouted on her unnecessarily for many times, made her complete impossible tasks, which further created misunderstandings between them. But he told me that. He didn't mean them. He felt a strange feeling with her. And it also seems that he now didn't take Lavanya seriously after Khusi came. Not that he had taken her seriously anyway, but it seemed to be strengthening after she came to his life.

*giggles*

I made my regular visit to his room. And I believe that my 'little' brother Arnav Singh Raizada is confused these days. He knows that he will not be able to lie from me anymore. They had a good fight over the shopping. I felt proud on myself for sending them together. Seems like I should these kind of things more often.

To be continued……………..